The Habits of theNesting Male
My guide to freaking out before the birth of your first child, as written for Pregnancy Magazine. See the UCB version here.
This is not a Eulogy
A grisly sight brings a father/son relationship into perspective.
The Last Will and Testament of Harry Roucheau
An old beatnick has his final say. If you want the true experience, you'll go to abstract fonts and download the Traveling Typewriter font this piece was composed in. It's on page two over there. And because you're hardcore, you'll do it!
The Bad Call
A first-person account of my job at the porno superstore.
The Oprah Nightmare
A short story about the perils of working for the woman of your dreams.
Stud Puppets
What happens when Tony Delio and I become Judy Tenuta's backup dancers.
Congratulations, Tom!
"If you control the mail, they can't send you threatening letters." -- O'Connell, 2005
My Summer with John Lennon
I was just a baby when I wrote this in 2001. A child. An infant. But somehow, I think it's still kind of funny.
When Will Howard Stern Come out with a New Book?
A short fictia-torial about the day's most pressing issue.
51% Forgiveness
Exactly what to do when you've made a mistake you want off you conscience without a lot of work.